Bony Bumps in the Road

This little Lu is 13 months old.

And earlier today, I thought that there might be complications to her seeing any other milestones.

You see, she recently developed a bony bump on the back of her head. I brought it up to our doctor at her well-baby appointment last week, and she referred us to receive an ultrasound. Just to be safe, of course.

Last night, I joked around with Caleb, saying, "I don't really feel too worried. How dumb will I feel tomorrow when Lucy has a brain tumor or juvenile cancer." I believe I ate a bite of ramen after I said that. I didn't feel that deep-in-the-bones fear that precedes something bad.

Cut to this morning, when me and two nurses were holding Lucy belly-down during the ultrasound. It turns out that little loves don't care for getting ultrasounds on the back of their heads—who knew.

I slept poorly last night, so instead of adding my calming cooing to that of the nurses', I could only focus on the computer screen with the interior images. There was definitely something causing that bony bump. I could not wrap my brain around what was happening and felt completely numb. At one point, I even complimented one of the nurses' electric blue nail polish; I tried to make it smooth by adding a "I know this isn't a typical time to say this, but I really like..." in front of it.

The radiologist assured me that it wasn't a cyst in Lucy's head. She tried to add some encouraging words before finishing our appointment with, "I will admit...I'm mystified."

The hours that followed, though few, were agonizing. Jack was moaning and groaning about every single thing and Lucy was still recovering from the trauma of the ultrasound. I found out that someone from my hometown committed suicide and was found in a gruesome way, bringing that family's suicide count to two children (the other was her older brother, who I had a crush on during high school). And I'll be honest, I am feeling a little tender about Whitney Houston's unfortunate death.

Add all of that to the last few months of various tragic happenings around me, and I was so angry at the world.

And then I got a phone call.

There is a benign lump in Lucy's head. The radiologist said that it was causing a divot in Lucy's skull, but that it did not need to be removed at this time. My doctor suggested that we take it out anyway, since the last thing anyone needs is a divoted head.

I feel so blessed that it was nothing ultra serious. For a little while today, it felt like everything I dealt with was super serious. I don't need anything extra serious in my life. Serious serious serious.