Won't You Lend Me Your Name

As I'm sitting here watching my son flail happily about on the floor amongst his toys, I feel extra-specially good. Wonderrific, if that's possible. Things are clicking, and the cosmic forces are letting me know.

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I was in charge of the spiritual thought in Redlands 1st Ward Young Women's on Sunday; the YW secretary is a very dear friend, and she was out of town & needed someone to fill in for her assignment. The theme for the month is Choice & Accountability, which can very easily become a "Choose good things and then you'll go to heaven" spiritual thought. But, I thought I'd get real with these little girls. I figured that some benefit would come to those of them that I know personally (one's parents are divorcing messily, one's parents are constantly on the brink of divorce (and is the sister of my first boyfriend who now has his own problems), and one is being moved to Orange County because her mother refuses to listen to the step-dad's good parenting advice). My thought was something to the effect of...

We don't always get to make choices in our lives. Though agency is a very heavenly gift that we are lucky to have, things that happen around us are not always how we would choose them to be. But, we are accountable as to how we choose to react to those situations. Two very real, very recent situations in my own life regarding this principle are my very unexpected pregnancy and my equally unexpected miscarriage. With the pregnancy, I decided that instead of being freaked out or angry (at my husband, my situation, etc.), I was going to put my trust in the Lord and know that things were going to work out the way they were supposed to. Though that thought is really generic, it helped me through the initial surprise. And when we found out we were having a miscarriage, there was definitely the possibility of being angry with God for playing with our hearts; we had begun to be really excited about this new baby coming into our lives, and all of a sudden the rug was pulled from under us. There was also the possibility that we could be angry with my actions while I was pregnant. I went to Disneyland and rode 6 rides! I ate frozen yogurt! I even ate TWO hot dogs! But after the confusion and heartbreak, Caleb and I decided to take the same stance we took with the pregnancy. We were going to put our trust in the Lord and know that things were going to work out the way they were supposed to, even if that means some sadness in our lives.

And I'm writing this down solely for my benefit, but feel free to attribute this to a general authority and quote it in church. And remember to change the pregnancy parts.

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The most relaxing thing about being in California is not having to think about what I'm eating. The least relaxing thing is having to be responsible for all of Jack's nightly activities. The middlest relaxing thing is the gosh dang beautiful weather. And the cutest thing is always Jack.