Friday, March 9, 2012

Becoming Your "You Know Me, I..." Self

My go-to phrase recently has been, "You know me, I...." Everything starts out that way, and sometimes even ends that way.

"You know me, I love bold-colored hair."
"You know me, I can't live without my jock jams."
"You know me, I love being right."
"You know me, I wish I could rock drag queen makeup all the time."

And every time I say it, I am positive that the recipient does know me.

Nothing I say is a surprise. Not because I am boringly predictable or flatly simple, but rather because I want to share myself with the people that I love—warts and all.

Once I realized that my vernacular had been overtaken by this phrase, I started to wonder to whom I could truthfully say "You know me, I...." The list was filled with some obvious results: my husband, my parents, my sisters, my dearest friends. But I was surprised to also add a few aberrations: my doctor, my high school teachers, my enemies, and you, my blog readers. I want everyone to know me, because I feel like I am worth knowing—even the parts of me that would rather proof-read an essay rather than frolic outside or choose a documentary to watch on a Just Me night.

But there are always people who don't deserve to know the whole you. Those people want to manipulate the kind parts of you, alter the moral parts of you, or break the fragile parts of you just to watch you crash. Knowing who those people are is incredibly difficult. My perspective is usually that everyone is innocent until proven guilty, if that helps at all.

And there are also people with whom I wish I could share more. I dream of reaching out to people I admire and connecting in a "You know me, I..." way. I desire to reconnect with people I used to love and rekindle that "You know me, I..." fire. There are fleeting times when I think about forgiving those people who have hurt me, because our "You know me, I..." times were so good when things were better. But I am not made of stronger stuff—I let my fear get in my own way.

Are there people you can be your "You know me, I..." self around? 

I want to hear those stories. I want to bask in the glow of your "You know me, I..." happiness. Heck, I want to be one of the people that you can say "You know me, I..." to.

Is there someone you wish you could "You know me, I..." with?

I have four fingers up on my hand right now of people I want that relationship with. How many do you have? Can you start that transformation today?  I don't feel like I can, but maybe I could. I definitely have faith in you, that you can do whatever you put your mind to—you are awesome.

You know me, I have a big ol' crush on you. I'm your biggest fan.

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