I love him. I do.
I promise.
But lately, he stands too close to me, talks too much to me, and needs too much of me. I feel like every time I turn around, it's JackJACKJack.
This weekend was a breaking point for me. In addition to my own misgivings about my appearance and my behavior, I had to label myself as a bad parent. Maybe I was just a bad parent for those couple days, at least.
When I tried to do my workout video, he was right there with me. I literally had him at my elbow when I would put the clothes in the dryer. And he consistently needed me to be his personal slave: "Mommy, hold my drink." "I can't reach my graham cracker on the counter—go get it!" "Mommy! Stop what you are doing and play Cars 2 with me nooooooooooooooooow!"
And I snapped.
I cried for awhile, I put myself on time out, and I took a long nap. All of those remedies have not fixed my ailments, however. This morning has been just as difficult as the last few days—the chocolate milk is not made fast enough, the option to run around sans diaper is the only acceptable one, the lack of pizza for breakfast is a tragedy. Even as I type this, I can't move my left arm because he is squeezed right next to me.
In a perfect world, I would find a few days to take a trip by myself. I would do nothing fancy or wild—my vacation would consist solely of silence. There would be no random gurgling to replace speaking or fits about ill-timed entrances into a room.
I don't want to say my sanity is at sake here. But there are moments where it feels that way.
Tell me I'm not alone in needing Serious Alone Time.
Have you ever taken a long-term "Just You" vacation? Did you love it?
I rarely get to go to the store by myself, let alone on a vacation by myself. I can totally relate to where you are coming from though. I think that if you don't want to do something (get his drink) then tell him that you are doing something else right now and he can wait or get his drink himself. Melt downs are not the end of the world... it's usually toddlers testing how far they can push you. If he freaks out at you not being at his beck and call, put him in time out or in a room by himself until he can calm down. We are all trying to raise children who grow into independent adults, right? So, some things they have to do themselves. And maybe you could make a play date with someone and he won't be constantly touching you for a few minutes? Good luck! I can tell you, it gets easier. Take it one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteYou are so speaking my language right now! I have lots of thoughts about this - but for now I'll just tell you that this morning I mentally checked out while making a smoothie. Neither of them would give me a chance to just blend some fruit for goodness sakes! So finally I let them both cry while I turned on the blender, closed my eyes and pretended I was somewhere else.
ReplyDeleteI regularly put myself in timeout. My room, locked. Sure you can still hear them on the other side of the door, but they're not TOUCHING you. After a good ten minutes, if that's not working, it's time for their own time in their room. On really bad days, Matt comes home early if it can be finagled. But you know you are always welcome to come over so our kids can entertain each other, right? :) My kids are so much better behaved for other people!
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain, Holly, except my issue isn't with my kid - it's with my husband. Having someone completely rely on you ALL THE TIME, 24/7 is rough. I'm not really looking forward to leaving the hospital. Having nights to myself - or at least sharing them with nurses and an infant - has been kind of a vacation. And that's kind of sad.
ReplyDeleteOh, Holly. I have to say that I think whoever coined the phrase "Terrible 2's" did not have a three year old! They are like little shadows that constantly need, want, whine, push and lean (what's up with the leaning?!?). I totally know where you're coming from. There are days when Paul gets home that I hand him the baby and say, "give me ten" as I walk into our closet to lie on the floor without anyone touching me or saying my name. It's a wonderful ten minutes. I dream of a vacation where I can sleep, sit somewhere quiet, read, and eat without having someone touching me! Sometimes, I load everyone up in the car and we go for a drive so that I can not be touched for a little while and they are contained. I told Paul that all I want to do for our anniversary this year is to go the Temple and sit. Is that bad? I don't think you're a bad parent! You are wonderful Mommy! We all have days. Sometimes they are clustered together, and that's usually when we need a day of not being a Mom. I get one when Elin's no longer nursing. Good luck! Much love and thoughts sent your way!
ReplyDelete