Friday, December 2, 2011

Sad Face, Sad Panda

Some days, I know that I wasn't cut out to be a mother to two toddlers. I can feel it deep in my bones that today is one of those days.

I promised Jack last night that we could take a "long walk" today, which means going outside of our apartment complex. We were prepped to go by 8 am, thanks to an early wake-up of each person in the house. I got everyone jacketed up, blanketed out, and hooded down. We made it about a block out of our complex before Lucy started freaking out—her raging screeches weren't even as impressive as her twisting attempts at stroller escapage. Did I mention that it was 27 degrees outside?

We live on the third floor, which means that taking the stroller upstairs is a challenge. I placed the stroller in our car trunk and decided that I needed some donuts. I loaded the kids up in the car, with Lucy still in hysterics. I drove in the freezing car until we reached the donut shop; before I was able to put the car in park, I realized that I had left my debit card at home.

As I announced the news, both kids burst into tears and I put the car in reverse. Back home for us.

I was able to calm them down in front of Shrek 2 for awhile, before Jack discovered the two tents that we have in the closet. One of the tents is easy to assemble, as it's only a matter of popping out the internal skeleton. The other requires tent poles, precision placement, and no small hands helping. The entire time I was putting together the second tent, Jack was giving me a running monologue about how he needed the tent now.

Have I mentioned that he hadn't stopped talking since before we left for our walk? Even when Lucy was at jumbo jet-level decibels? And that he needs an appropriate response or else he will indefinitely repeat what he said before?

I unfortunately shouted at him, "Please stop talking to me!!!!!" I then accompanied that outburst with heaving sobs and the inability to see the tent task at hand.

I haven't showered yet today. I am trying to watch what I eat. I can't get the nagging worry about our unpaid bills out of my head. I feel completely out of control, which isn't something that can easily be fixed when one is tied to another adult and two children.

Luckily, the last time I felt out of control, I lost 40 pounds.



  1. Well, kudos for having the silver lining shout out at the end of the post. Definitely sounds like a rough day-- but you're still standing! I'm always impressed by you, and what you need is Caleb to bring you a donut, and then a good night's sleep. :D Lovey loves from Davis County.

  2. Oh man, those days suuuuuuck! So sorry. I always find the next day to be considerably better by comparison. Hopefully some cathartic crying, sleeping, and doing whatever the heck you want for yourself will find you feeling better in the morning.

    Hate hate hate those kind of days.

  3. Do you mind if I commiserate for a while? (I can't completely empathize with your situation, because I've never experienced toddlers, so in my small way I'm saying "I feel you.") The other morning, after a long night, I was trying to put Baby back to sleep, but she kept kicking her blanket off. That was probably the first time I could tell I was seriously frustrated, because I threw the blanket angrily off of her. So I left her in her car seat in the living room and crawled into my bed for a few minutes(with the door open). Such a silly thing, but I was so upset.

    At least they always do something to remind us we love them, right?

  4. ::hug:: just wanted to let you know that i've had those days too. hope tomorrow is better!

  5. That's when you call and tell me you're coming over! You know I live down the road from the donut store, and we're always up by 7. Seriously, Holly. :)