Let's Get It Awkward

"Uhhhh, am I sure about this?"

After my miscarriage in 2009, I knew I needed to do something to feel like I had control over my life. I decided to get healthy and become the fittest me that I had ever been. Never having tried to do this before, I was at a loss and became the Google-est Googler on everything diet and exercise. I doodled around with some combinations, but ultimately decided that the Fat Smash Diet, the workout DVDs from Jillian Michaels, and my WiiFit were my way to healthful living.

Between August 2009 and March 2010, I lost 40 pounds and was feeling great. I weighed less than I had at my wedding, less than it said on my driver's license, and less than I did at high school graduation (but not by much). I wasn't quite to my goal weight, but I knew that if I stayed the course, I'd get there soon.

BAM, next thing I know, I'm pregnant with Baby Lucy. By the time I found out, I had incorporated good eating habits into my daily routine and decided to keep up with most of them, letting myself slide on indulging in some pregnancy cravings. The exercise was a bit harder to keep up with; I was scared out of my mind of another miscarriage, so I ignored all of the studies that say that light exercise won't cause miscarriage and stopped altogether. Baby-making continued on until the day after Christmas and I got the go-ahead from my doctor to start exercise again in February.

February saw me get back into the swing of things; I started up with the Fat Smash again, did the 30 Day Shred for ten days straight, and had more energy than I could remember ever having. Bookcases were getting dusted, kids were getting run ragged by super-fun Mommy play, floorboards were being spontaneously cleaned! After a vigorous workout one night, I found that my ab muscles were strained to the point of labor-like pain. I had to cancel my participation in a local 5K and stop all other exercising until I felt comfortable using that muscle again.

Ab muscle strain is apparently the perfect excuse to start hard-core gorging on all of the lovely treats that this time of year has to offer. Girl Scout cookies? Okay, sounds good. Shamrock shakes from McDonald's? Yeah! Cadbury mini eggs? No doy. I thought that I'd pick all of that good, healthy stuff back up once I decided my break was over.

But, the break hasn't ended. My muscle strain has healed. My schedule has evened out again, so I don't have to make time for doctor's appointments and constant social visits. My husband has always been supportive of weight loss in general. So, what's my hold up?

I cannot say. There is nothing to pinpoint except my laziness and my love of chocolate treats.

I know first-hand what it's like to feel healthy and strong, to be doing things you never thought possible. At one point, the only thing I ever wanted to eat was sugar snap peas and black bean burgers. Where is that girl now? I was not depriving myself of anything, because I knew that I was getting way more Good Living by living that way. I wish that I had someone to drag me along with them on their journey to health now; I'd carry my own weight and even some of theirs for most of the way, it's just the beginning that is really getting me down.

Says the girl who is sitting next to an open bag of Cheetos. Freaking delicious!