Get Scared!

My brain is whirring.

**************

Jack has started standing up by himself in the last few days. The whole concept of this tangible entity that came out of my body, using his legs to do something so human is beyond me. It's baffling me. I sat next to him while he pushed himself to standing and we were at eye level for almost 20 seconds; during that short time period, the only thing I could think was:

This is so foreign. Where did my baby go? This is so foreign. Foreign foreign foreign. 

And then he slowly lowered himself to sitting. Back to being an infant again.

He is impeccable.

*****************

Elder Hecht is going to sleep in his own bed in South Dakota tonight. For the first time in two years, he is only a phone call away. The anticipatory effect that has been running through my veins the last week or so has now halted on one thought -

How can any young man be so generous with his life that he would spend prime years on a mission?

Tim's return is the first time that thought has ever completely baffled me. Not hearing stories of my dad's mission, not looking at pictures of my husband's tracting adventures, not having my dear dear Kyle J. be two feet away from me while I was wearing a Bear costume.

I can't wrap my brain around the notion. I saw two elders today walking up 800 East in Orem, and my mind kept saying -

What are they doing there? Why aren't they at home going to college? Or working at the family business over the summer? This is all of a sudden so foreign. 

And then one disturbing notion -

I can't let my son do this. 

*****************


We have terrible taste in used items.

The first pre-owned Playstation 2 we got used made Guitar Hero a nightmare. So, we traded it for another used one.

The certified phone we got to replace my completely dead one never had buttons that functioned simultaneously. Luckily, the "New every 2" came early.

We bought a couch off craigslist.org that looked dreamy in the photos, but broke not even two weeks later. I'm currently sitting on it, while the frame is precariously perched.

And I have tried to replace it with three couches that were listed online, only to have them all sold before we got a crack at them.

I'm heartbroken, which makes me feel reckless.

*********************

Our anniversary was Lagoon-filled. We purposely didn't take any photos because it was our special day, not to share with anyone else ever. Julie and Carlie (and Corbin) were golden and watched Jack the whole day.

I'm not sure what to say about it, other than I had to talk Caleb down from trying to win a person-sized tiger for Jack.

***********************

But I promise you this,
I'll always look out for you.
That's what I'll do. 

 And after all this, I need to take a dip in a vat of Coldplay.