The Week of W(h)it: Open Mouth, Insert Foot (and Wing)

 Brittany Bird is my cousin, Whitney's friend, a graduate school goddess, and a Jane Austen dreamer.

A couple of months ago, I went on a career trip to San Antonio…with five guys. Did I mention that four of them were married? On the first night of our stay, we trekked down to the pool. 

I’m just gonna throw this out there: playing Marco Polo with a bunch of married dudes has probably been the most awkward experience of my life to date!

After a fun (and completely appropriate) hour or two of hot-tubbing and swimming, we toweled off a bit and headed to the elevator. The door opened, revealing two gruff-looking men and cutting off their conversation. My friends and I, still dripping a little bit from the pool, piled into the elevator. And then the awkward elevator silence began.

I mean, we were just standing there! And we had a long way to go! 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that one of the men was holding a take-home box from a restaurant and saw the perfect opportunity to break the quiet.

Turning to the man, I said in a cheerful voice, “So how’s the food at…” and then I caught a glimpse of the restaurant name on the box, and I squeaked out the last word—“…H-hooters?” 

Oh gosh. And me—a pretty buxom gal, and the only woman in the elevator, AND dressed in nothing but my bathing suit and a towel. Perfect.

The man replied, “It’s really not as explicit as I remembered.” A pause. “And the hot wings are really good.”

I think I got an “Oh, that’s nice” out before, mercifully, the elevator got to my party’s floor. My friends—all those married boys—held in their laughs just barely long enough to let the doors close. 

That became our joke the rest of the trip. Every time we passed a Hooters I would get, “HEY! Maybe we should go to lunch there! I hear the wings are great!”

And I still haven’t lived it down!

The Week of W(h)it is a collection of funny stories about my friend Whitney Hardie and the people she knows. Whitney's mother recently died and this project is a way to help her grieve through humor.