Saturday, April 21, 2012

The Week of W(h)it: Hotel Beds are Dangerously Tall

Caleb and I were married in August 2006. It seems like a million years ago, though. The whole wedding day was a haze, but the wedding night stands out in my mind to this day.

And not for the reason you think. Get your mind out of the gutter.

After the excitement of the day, Caleb and I were really tired. We fell asleep in our hotel room easily; it was our first night sleeping in the same bed together, but we had already confessed to each other that he snored and I drooled. There shouldn't have been too many more surprises.

Cut to the middle of the night, when I am awoken by something clubbing me in the side repeatedly.

I yelped loudly, hoping that my new husband would save me from whatever was attacking me.

But it turned out that it was my new husband doing the attacking—only, it wasn't attacking. It was "saving."

In his slumber, Caleb had perceived that I was falling off the extremely tall hotel bed. To save me, he reached out over and over again to grab me. And you know how the things you do when you're asleep don't always match what you think you're doing? His reaching was actually just pounding me with his forearm. He was trying to be my white knight, but instead he was turning me black and blue.

Once I woke him up enough to stop pummeling me, he expressed how concerned he was about my safety. I took it all in stride, because he hasn't touched me in anger ever. He apologized profusely for hurting me while trying to save me, so all was forgiven.

My subconscious apparently didn't forgive him, though, since I twice punched him in the face while I slept during our first year of marriage. But that's a story for another time.

The Week of W(h)it is a collection of funny stories about my friend Whitney Hardie and the people she knows. Whitney's mother recently died and this project is a way to help her grieve through humor.

No comments:

Post a Comment